KEEP CALM AND CAST ON!

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I use knitting looms. I am knitting needle challenged and cannot cast on or purl anything
So I admit it, I knit on a loom. I have a whole collection of looms, when a new loom size comes out I purchase it. No shame, no guilt, just me, the loom and the yarn.

That is, until I go into a yarn shop. Then it becomes apparent I am a knitting bottom feeder. Not a real knitter, the subject of scorn and derision by real knitters. Who knew two sticks meant so much?

My most recent venture was into a yarn shop in Sedona, Arizona. The yarns were beautiful, the selection impeccable, the prices reflected all the careful spinning that went into these local handmade yarns.

I entered the shop and it was full of customers. There was a tall, skinny woman with spiky hair and nerd glasses…the kind that look totally cool when you wear them. She welcomed all of us in an accent I was sure of. A knitting Amazon, I hate her already.

“Welcome to Sedona, Kneeters.” She welcomed us all into the store. I hung back, knowing I had to keep my secret. I deftly slipped behind the other customers to finger yarn and imagine all the scarves I could make from them. I only make scarves, they are easy, I can watch TV or ride in the car while I knit. I could also make hats or purses but I don’t. Hey, I told you upfront I was challenged.

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One of the other customers was also a loom” kneeter.” However, unlike me she felt sucked in by the smile on the knit shop owning Amazon who stood before her.

“What size needles do you kneet weeth?” the knitting Amazon asks. She begins a slow smile.

“We use a loom.” answers the intrepid customer putting her arm around her daughter.

“A luum?” “You are kneeting wiz a luum?” Yea, Amazon girl, she said a loom. What of it? “What can you make on a luum?” Her smile freezes on her face and I am sure that her teeth are all sharpened to fine pearly points, her spiky hair seems to move into a straighter position as she moves in for the kill.

Undeterred, the mother and her young knitter chatter on. They don’t see the telltale signs I have experienced so many times before. “I cannot suggest yarn if you are using a luum.” “I do not know de size.” The Amazon turns and walks away to welcome a real knitter, leaving the young mother and child bewildered.

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I had by this time tired of the scene and moved toward the woman, I unfurled my super knitter cape (well, hell yes, I knitted it on a loom…a large one)and said I also knitted on a “luuum.”

She was making hats and scarves, I was knitting a pillow case for my couch. We exchanged notes and as the senior knitter, I walked her through how different yarns would work with the looms. We parted as friends.

I walked out of the store without a purchase. I didn’t need the yarn anyway and the Amazon irked me. In the end my new friend didn’t purchase either. We bottom feeding, knitting deviants need to stick together.

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